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I am 22 years old. After years of knowing I was adopted at birth, I went off of a few names I knew and found my biological family. I learned that I had two sisters (both of which I met) and I just met my biological mother a few days ago. I have had some phone conversations with my biological father, but they have been brief and pretty impersonal.

I seem to be encountering this conflict with my adoptive father with this whole ordeal. He insists that I spend time with my biological mother, and he defends this logic with saying “She IS your mother.” To me, this just isn’t true beyond a biological basis. My adoptive mother died when I was eleven years old, and she will be the only mother I will ever know. Even coming into contact with my biological mother feels weird as it is. To a degree, it almost feels like a betrayal of sorts to my adoptive mother, but I know this is not quite the case.

Putting it very honestly, I hold no grudges for being adopted. I am graduating from a great school tomorrow afternoon, I am currently weighing my options for a graduate program, and I have had a great life so far. To me, the whole scenario is black and white; I was given up for adoption for a reason, and as a result, that forfeited any sort of mother-son role that my biological mother may desire. I have the same attitude with my biological father, and he gets that. Talking to him is like talking to one of my friends, and to that extent, I have no problem chatting with him on occasion.

Maybe I am being an insensitive jerk with this whole ordeal. Maybe I do need to give them the time of day, but at the same time, I cannot accept that given that I have only ever known one family my entire life. Those close to me have accused me of holding some sort of grudge against my biological family, which is not the truth. I genuinely have no hard feelings for being put up for adoption, as I had an awesome childhood with everything I could have ever asked for. To me, the mother I knew and loved died years ago, and even the thought of accepting my biological mother as anything more than the woman that gave birth to me bothers me.

I guess I am looking for advice on how to handle the matter. People close to me tend to run in circles as far as it goes; first they say they can’t imagine being in my shoes and insist I am doing right as long as I am comfortable, yet when I insist that I will always have that shield up to keep distance, I am criticized. Should I ease up a bit’ Am I in the right’